There are some people in your life that you just can’t pin point when they came in your life or how you first met them. Lafe Jones and his wife Evelyn are some those people to me. I could guess it was from my years at Nachman Elementary or maybe Junior League. It just seems like I’ve always known them. I can honestly say they are genuinely two amazing individuals with a love of life.
I had been seeing Lafe more and more at the gym each week. A regular gym rat some would call him. I began to take notice of his physical changes. He had a goal in mind. He had a want and determination that you see when someone is truly ready to change their life. I just watched, never asking why.
I walked in my “Ab Class” one morning and I see Lafe sitting on a mat, back row, close to door. I was very happy to have him. His struggle was real. Not only the struggle of doing abdominal work but the struggle of walking through that door for the first time and completing that 15 minutes of core work.
He has become a regular in class. You can find him every Monday, Wednesday and Friday on the back row, close to the door. He has “a spot”. His fight for those sit-ups has been conquered. He is a BOSS at them now.
As I was scrolling through FB, I caught a glimpse of the before and after Lafe. I immediately wanted his story. Why hadn’t I asked before now? Maybe it was timing. As I asked Lafe to share his story, I also asked him to visit a man he had left behind. It reminded me of a quote that says, “It’s not the future you are afraid of. It’s the fear of the past repeating itself that haunts you.” T.W.W.
Thank you, Lafe, for your inspiring story.
STRONG – Mitzi
My Story – by Lafe Jones
“Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign …”
My biggest lesson in weight loss – losing it is hard, but keeping it off is harder. When I decided to reclaim my health and energy, I really did not grasp that it is not a destination – it is a journey with a lot of curves, u-turns, ditches, wrecks, danger zones, caution signs and dead ends.
In January 2010, I weighed over 310 pounds. I was a wreck. I knew I needed to lose weight (no one has to tell you this, by the way.) But, I thought my ailments and lack of energy were caused by other things. I had neck and shoulder pain, my energy level was low, and my calves would freeze up when I went for neighborhood walks for “some” exercise. I thought I needed anti-inflammatory and pain medication. I also had folks tell me that when I spoke in public, I had shortness of breath. I dismissed this by saying, “I just talk too fast.” I have tried just about every diet, read many “expert” books and joined gyms, had trainers, and even had occasional intermittent success. I began researching weight loss surgery in 2008, after I saw friends have success. It just took me some time to process the pros and cons. I had lived my life always “up or down” on weight – and the down periods were very short. Most of the time, I was overweight and searching for an answer.
My kids had only known me as an overweight dad. I think I was actively involved with my kids, but always a little limited and always one of the “big dads.” One of my biggest regrets is that, as children, they did not know me as a healthy and fit dad. Some of my worst moments were on vacations. On one trip with family, I climbed to the top of the water slide at a park, only to read the weight limit sign and realize I could not go down the slide. Having to walk past so many people going back down the stairs was the ultimate “walk of shame.” On another trip to a lake with friends, everyone jumped off the back of the large houseboat or slid down the slide on back. Once we were all in the water, and everyone was climbing the ladder to get back up, I realized I probably could not pull myself up that ladder, or at the least not pull up without making a spectacle of myself. Again, in shame, I waded out to the front of the boat banked on shore to get back on, out of sight, hopeful that no one realized why. I had to use a CPAP machine for (weight-caused) sleep apnea. I dreaded flying because of the stress – the stress of making my way down the aisle and seeing seated folks look away knowing they are silently praying that “the big guy” doesn’t sit by me. I hated those small restaurants where the tables are so close together that a large person has to maneuver carefully to even get to a seat that is too small for most normal-sized folks. Going into crowded meetings with those small folding chairs is terrifying, especially after you have had one break when you sat down. I discovered a “big guy” clothing store in Shreveport, and found myself excited to have more choices until it hit me – this is not something to celebrate. I realized it was like I was giving in and giving up. I had reached what I thought was a “dead end.” But, really it was a “stop sign.” It was time to say, “no more.” After six months at a record high weight, I was ready to do something major. I was ready for a life change – a new roadmap.
I had the gastric-sleeve procedure (weight loss surgery) in August of 2010. As they wheeled me into surgery, I got very emotional and prayed that this was a weight and feeling I would never have again. As of this writing, that has been the case – but, that does not mean there have not been a lot of curves in that road. My doctor gave me great advice. One of the main messages was that weight loss surgery is not a cure, and it is not an “easy way out.” It is a tough first year, and there are possible serious complications. But most importantly, she said it is only a tool – a tool that really only gives you about a year to get your act together and change your lifestyle. Then, you are on your own. She explained that after that first year, additional weight loss would be harder, my appetite would return to normal, and I would be able to eat more with little discomfort or problems. She even clarified that the human body has an amazing ability to change and that we are programmed to keep on weight for protection from the elements and survival during times of little food or famine. In other words, your stomach can stretch again, you can cheat the surgery after a while, and you WILL gain the weight back if you are not diligent. That was a learned “caution sign.”
As of August 2017, I have maintained a weight loss of between 110 and 115 pounds. I struggle daily to stay below my “danger zone” weight, but realize that a fluctuation of 5 or so pounds is something that I will have for the rest of my life. When I started the journey, I was so out of touch, I did not know what my target weight would or should be. I was wearing XXXL shirts and size 44-46 pants (depending on the brand). My hope was to shop in the regular department and to “maybe” comfortably wear a size 36 pant. I remember buying a pair of size 36 jeans and a size large t-shirt as motivation – a dream size. My doctor also told me not to pick a number for a weight loss goal, but to listen to my body and to focus on learning a healthy lifestyle with nutrition and exercise. She said that my body would have a “set point” of its own, and to learn to listen to my body and trust it. She said when I hit that “set point,” I would know it – she was right. I began exercising before I left the hospital, made my follow-up appointments, and followed her rules. I also studied everything I could learn about nutrition. I focused on basically a “paleo-ish” diet and exercise.
The weight came off and eventually, with a lot of work, I had to give away those motivation clothes because I kept going – dropping below those “dream” sizes! When I reached a 100 pound loss, I thought this had to be it. But, I kept going – not doing anything drastic – and once I lost 115 pounds, I stayed there. Even with exercise and eating correctly, I did not lose any more weight. I knew I was at my intended weight – my “set point.” I have had some periods where I went back into a “danger zone” by gaining up to 10 pounds, and I realize, “I’m in the ditch, and I need to pull myself out.” There are other times, when I am getting close to that higher number, I have too much sugar and I get out of control for a day or so, and I realize, ”It’s time for a u-turn.” Those are the times I realize that course correction does not mean starving yourself for two days or two weeks. It means to be kind enough to yourself to get back on your regular moderate plan of eating whole foods, drinking plenty of water, and exercising exactly like you normally do – and, in a few days, you are back in the zone. Overcompensating by starving myself for a couple of days or over-exercising to get back on track feels more like punishment, and does not work for me. If I do that, my body knows it is not getting what it needs, and I make no progress – I also feel rotten for not nourishing myself properly.
I certainly have problems with discipline like everyone else, so routine is what works for me. In fact, my motto is “Persistence over Perfection.” I have learned that going to the gym at the same times and using my running app help keep me consistent. I am no exercise pro, and I have to modify things many times until my body learns and strengthens. I have learned that I need strength training and core workouts just as much as I need aerobic exercise, so the classes at Louisiana Athletic Club keep me consistent and targeted. Some folks work better with variety, and I respect that. Consistency and routine just work for me. It may sound crazy, but I also try to be as “mindless” as possible when it comes to snacks – I have more variety at my evening meals. Every day I have an apple and Greek yogurt about 10 a.m. (always a Gala small apple and vanilla Triple Zero yogurt.) I always have two mandarin oranges and an individual portion-size packet of healthy nuts around 3 p.m. I drink three large (33 oz.) Smart Water bottles every day. My wife, Evelyn, and I are committed enough to good eating that we use Sunbasket to deliver us meat, produce, and ingredients for Paleo dinner meals three times a week. With these recipes, we are learning to cook things we never thought we would cook (or eat), and we can limit the salt, etc. because we are cooking at home. Again, it works for us and is still less expensive than eating out. When we do eat out, I try to eat at locally-owned restaurants because they typically use less processed food, MSG and salt. Another trick that works for me is to bring my snacks to work individually every day, rather than store a week’s worth at the office. There is something psychological about packing/handling that snack and water bottle every day that makes me more likely to do the right thing that day.
I tell folks at work that the routine is fine for me, because I think of food like medicine now – in a good way. Yes, I enjoy it, but mostly, it is just fuel and it keeps me feeling my best. That is why the routine does not bother me. Water is the best medicine. I annoy many family members and coworkers with my sermons about the magical power of water! I believe if you have a headache, drink more water. If you have sinus problems, drink more water. If you feel sleepy, drink more water. And on and on, I go. I truly believe that dehydration is one of our most overlooked health and wellness problems. I have learned that weight loss reduces inflammation and pain in many areas, but you have to exercise. Planks, crunches, stretching and lifting weights have helped my shoulder and neck pain. My posture has improved greatly, which also helps my neck and energy level. I also sleep better on the days I exercise.
I have learned to spot some “danger ahead” signs. I have to be very extra careful on Sundays. With a different schedule, my snack times are sometimes thrown off. I also don’t always get enough protein and good fat. I also tend to get “in the ditch” more on Sundays, so I have to be diligent. I have learned that sugar is an addictive substance and my biggest problem. If I have even a little sugar, I will find myself unconsciously looking for carbs and sugar the rest of the day – everywhere, all day! So, if I want to splurge on something worth the splurge (I have learned that some things are worth splurging and others are not), I should do it in the evening, when I have less time to go on a carb and sugar hunt/binge. The next day, I am back into routine and not craving the sugar as much. I have learned the importance of good protein and good fats. We have eggs, bacon, whole grain toast, avocado and strawberries or grapes almost every day of the week. A good breakfast sets me up for success, and this meal takes almost no time to prepare. I don’t do all of these things because I am disciplined and strong. I do them because I am weak, and I have learned how to “fool my weak tendencies” through ritual and routine – creating some bridges over those troubled waters.
There is no feeling like the feeling after a workout. There is no feeling like ending a day knowing you mostly did things that made your life better, not worse. There is no feeling like putting on a pair of size 32 pants and a medium slim-fit shirt, remembering you only hoped for a size 36. There is no feeling like running and realizing you are not short of breath. There is no feeling like donating your CPAP machine to someone else who really needs it. There is no feeling like hiking with your adult children.
There is no feeling like not feeling guilty because you eat your mom’s pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving when you know you are not doing it because you are out of control – you just think it is worth the splurge! There is no feeling like going shirtless at the beach (knowing you still have a little tire around your middle), but feeling like everyone else – just being comfortable with a normal body. There is nothing like completing a 5K (I am a completer at this point – not a racer).
The bottom line – there is no feeling like knowing, at 54, you are healthier and more fit than you have been since high school – maybe even before high school. Freedom and control are the words – no longer being held hostage and imprisoned by weight (physically and emotionally).
I am so humbled, and little embarrassed about writing this story. I do not consider myself an athlete, and I certainly have struggles. I am thankful for where I am, and blessed that God, family and friends have guided me and encouraged me along the way. My amazing wife has been my biggest motivator and supporter. I actually feel a bit self-conscious that my story may sound like I have it all under control, or that I have all the answers. That is not the case. I also do not want to sound preachy – I am not an expert. I only know what has worked and what has not worked for me. When I have had a bad weekend, it scares me. I realize that a bad weekend can turn into a bad week, which turns into a month – and very quickly, I could gain 100 pounds with very little effort. I am also sadly aware that I can get off track, gain back the weight, and lose the motivation. When I walk through Walmart and see overweight people buying unhealthy foods while riding scooters, it makes me sad. It also scares me because I know, “but for the grace of God…,” So, for me it is a daily renewal and recommitment.
I have weighed every day since I had surgery seven years ago. And, daily, I write down my weight on sticky notes I keep in the bathroom, (I still have them all dated). I am not obsessive about the number, but I know it is a gauge. It is a checkpoint. “The more I weigh, the less I weigh.” When I look at seven years’ worth of notes, I am reminded that this has been a challenging journey and I can see all the highs and the lows. And, with this I know and I remember, it begins again every day.
